SHUT IN / SHUT OUT
Did/do you feel any pressure to have/not have children?
Many women feel pressure either from themselves or others to either have/not have children.
"Partly myself and partly society/family"
"My internal body clock - at 32 I felt that I was becoming older and was running out of time. Having children was something I always expected of myself from childhood. So the pressure was mostly put on myself from the biological standpoint, and a fear of missing out. But i was under the impression I could still achieve my dreams and aspirations as well as having a child, which has not been the case in reality. I think society put this expectation onto me."
Yes, I initially felt disbelieved [about choice not to have children]Â by most family, friends and other people I came into contact with, especially as a younger woman (I am currently 43). It was always much to my annoyance that people were not taking my choice seriously and assumed I was going to change my mind later on. As I got married with 33, my decision of not wanting to become a parent created a significant tension at some point in my relationship as my partner was family-oriented at the time. We have been through some hard times in the past because of my decision, and this has probably been the most pressure I have ever felt due to my choice of not having children. My husband has since accepted my decision and we continue our relationship without any plans of becoming parents.
"I think there is a family pressure or expectation - I would say it came from my own mother, who expected to become a grandmother."
"I definitely felt it from society. You meet someone, you get married, maybe you buy a house and then you're being asked 'when do you think you might start trying for children?' "
"I also put pressure on myself to become a parent a bit quicker than I'd probably have liked - my Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and I was desperate for him to become a Grandad before he died. It felt like a wish I could grant him."
"I never felt pressure to have or not have children."
"My mum. She's Chinese."
"My age and gender, I turned 38 the year My child was born."
"Maybe just society as it is the done thing (although that’s changing), & a feeling that maybe you’re lacking in something if you haven’t had children"
"Pressure from my mum not feeling like I was in the right relationship to have children. She was projecting her own expectations/disappointment onto me."